All my life I’ve felt different.

Like I am an alien from another planet. I didn’t get along with other kids and preferred living in my own world. A world of creativity, writing, painting, crafting and playing music. I was told that it is very important to have good grades so I can land a good job later, and I was very intelligent, yet I could not find my place in this world. I tried to hide my sensitivities and just be like everyone else. It all failed and I became very ill. I was dealing with a lot of issues, like anxiety, depression, health issues. I pursued a degree in Fine Arts. 

Later I learnt about C-PTSD, so complex trauma, which is living through many traumatic experiences over a long period of time and things started to make sense. Just recently I found out I have autism as well, so I am part of the neurodivergent folks. A strange recognition and also a sense of relief to finally understand myself on a human level.

My life has been extremely challenging in many ways, going from one to the next difficult situation. But this also fuelled my desire to find the end of suffering. And so I started to pursue spirituality, because I didn’t find any satisfying answers elsewhere.

Even on that path, it took a very long time to find my direction, because it is so easy to get distracted by so many different teachings and modalities that are often contradicting each other. So what makes most sense to me is the non-dual path and I resonate a lot with the teacher Adyashanti, who has a background in Zen buddhism.

My life story is a wild mix of traveling through Europe, living in New Zealand, being married, being a musician, a drum painting artist, to losing everything I’ve had and moving into being nobody. I just try to become empty, and let spirit move through me.

I enjoy expressing myself on Youtube and it is my desire to support other people who are suffering. And perhaps I can do that just by being and sharing myself. 

So I am still walking this path, still going through this journey of embodying wholeness. Where it will lead, I don’t know. I just follow the nudges moment to moment in the eternal now, and see what shows up in my life.